News & Media
Lights Out for Sexual Predators This Halloween
By Sam “The Boogyeman” Lea It never occurred to me before reading this story, but Halloween has got to be like Christmas for sexual predators. Not to make light of a very serious situation, but I can completely imagine the old man on Family Guy using a fishing pole with a Snickers bar at the end to lure unsuspecting little children into his home. In an effort to curb this potential scenario, Gov. Matt Blunt of Missouri signed into law a statute requiring registered sex offenders to “refrain form all Halloween-related contact with children from 5 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.
Copyright duration primer from a bloodsucking lawyer
By Tara “Bloodsucker” Warrington I am fucking terrified of vampires. Even as a grown woman, I still sleep with the covers drawn up around my neck. Of course, I have always been a bit of a masochist so I consumed all things vampire-related growing up: The Lost Boys, Anne Rice, Salem’s Lot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. (Please refrain from mentioning Nosferatu: just the thought of that particular incarnation of vampire is enough to give me nightmares.) Nothing compares to the original, however: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Originally published May 1897 in the United Kingdom, Bram Stoker’s Dracula spawned an entire
Capcom Wins Zombie Infringement Case
by Christopher “Undead” Harbin, Legal Satyricon Correspondent I’m only really scared of one thing in this world. Zombies. Really – they freak me out. I think it’s because my brother made me watch Return of the Living Dead when I was a kid. Couple the freaking flesh eaters with Linnea Quigley’s (B-movie scream queen) naked wet boobies in a graveyard and the scene was set for childhood scarring. Anyways, I digress. In 2006, Capcom created a zombie-themed video game “Dead Rising.” The main character in the Dead Rising was a photojournalist dropped into a zombie-infested mall in order to get
Obama the Secret Anti-Semite? Or Goldfarb, the In-Your-Face Douchebag?
So now the game is “Obama is anti-Israel” and an anti-Semite First they trotted out Joe the Skinhead to try and pitch that line. He flopped at it, so they then trot out Michael Goldfarb, Deputy Communications Director of the McCain campaign. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCaOCWYpPk4] Don’t quit your day job, Goldfarb. Oh, wait, this is your day job. No wonder the McCain campaign is such a mess. Fucking Trig could do a better job than this douche. UPDATE: It looks like McCain’s ties to Khalidi are stronger than Obama’s. What now, biyotch?
The Fat Lady Sings – Texas Kittens Fear for their Lives
I previously wrote about the victory in Reliable Consultants v. Earle case in Texas Dildo Law Goes Limp, and the Lone Star State’s evangelical-led push to overturn the case en banc in Texas – Still Obsessed With Dildos. Naturally, I presumed that the State of Texas would appeal the case to the U.S. Supreme Court. I was wrong. The State of Texas announced yesterday that it will not be petitioning the United States Supreme Court for certiorari in Reliable Consultants, Inc. v. Earle. That landmark case struck down Texas’ “obscene devices law.” The State’s decision leaves the opinion of the
The Real McCain
Another brilliant post from Andrew Sullivan: As for McCain, we have seen how he deals with what were once his principles. Balancing the budget? He caved to Bush’s tax cuts and proposes to increase the deficit more than a liberal Democrat in his first term. Torture? He agreed to the 2006 Military Commissions Act, thereby legalizing the very torture techniques that were once used against him. Climate change? He picked a veep who doesn’t believe it’s man-made. When people talk about this man’s honor, they need to grapple with these facts. If McCain is prepared to authorize the torture of
Great Campaign Ad – "His Choice"
The only thing I would have changed about this ad: I would have used calliope circus music. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eUz13-pmTY] And you don’t need to be a lib’rul to be appalled at his choice. American Conservative.
One Issue Where McCain Beats Obama
Ok Republicans, I’ll do your stinking work for you. I’ve read lots of irrational reasons to vote for McCain. I’ve read rational and irrational arguments to vote against Obama. However, here at the Legal Satyricon, we are not values voters, we’re not pocketbook voters, we’re Constitution voters. (Any Satyriconistas who wish to dissent will likely do so in the comments). If you are looking for one issue on which McCain has the upper hand, (aside from bigoted fear-mongering), here it is. Disclaimer — if you’ve been a fan of George W. Bush, you have no right to use this in
Joe the Moron
Well, it looks like Joe the Plumber has finally jumped his own mental midget shark. Shep Smith is here on Fox throwing some pretty soft questions Joe’s way. Shep isn’t having any of Joe the Liar’s Palinography. (Speaking of Palin, look who has ethics problems AGAIN) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQYcVO5DhqQ] HT: Andrew Sullivan Update: Scott at Simple Justice has some great analysis of this.
The Bailout Comes to Main Street! Hooray!
Buy My Shitpile, Henry is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. In fact, I’m laughing so hard as I try to type this that I can hardly see. I shit you not, I just laughed so hard that I threw up. HT: Zucker
I am Hussein
If you don’t remember this scene from Office Space, you probably are pop-culture starved to the point that much on this blog confuses you. Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar. Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton. Samir: You know there is nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it…until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys. Samir: Hmm…well why don’t you just go by Mike instead of
A Tax Compromise
There are a certain number of McPalin supporters who are voting for them because they see Palin as the next incarnation of Bush. They don’t expect McCain to live long, and then the neocons can move back into the White House. Those boneheads can stop reading now. Ok, so what does that leave? Bigots.. you can leave too. So can those who have so bought into the Republican “brand name,” that you couldn’t get them to vote Democrat if Ronald Reagan came back from the dead and ran as a Democrat. Now, what do we have left? A pretty healthy
Max Hardcore Must Remain in Prison Pending Appeal
Judge Bucklew issued an unsurprising order, Paul Little, a/k/a Max Hardcore, must remain in prison rather than being able to remain free on bond pending the resolution of his appeal. Under 18 U.S.C. § 3143(b)(1), a person convicted of a federal crime is eligible for release pending appeal if he can show by clear and convincing evidence that he is unlikely to flee or pose a danger to others, and that the appeal: . . . raises a substantial question of law likely to result in— (I) reversal, (ii) an order for a new trial, (iii) a sentence that does
Is "Jack" the Enlightened One?
Bob Ambrogi at Legal Blog Watch writes: “Jack” is a Washington, D.C., lawyer who hopes someday to be to the legal profession what Siddhartha was to Buddhism — one remembered for giving up a life of luxury to pursue the path of simplicity. Unlike Buddha, Jack has a blog, “Adventures in Voluntary Simplicity,” where he anonymously chronicles his self-charted conversion from highly paid lawyer to pilgrim of simple happiness. (source) Jack has the luxury of not feeding a wife and a child… so, that makes it a little easier to be Buddha-like. I love what I do and all… so,
McCain in Vain – McCain in Pain
Ol’ man McCain says that Ted “series of tubes ” Stevens should resign — that’s after 26 years of palling around with him. Track #19 on London Calling, anyone? Meanwhile, as a consolation prize for all the conservatives who have broken ranks and backed Obama, McCain picked up a big endorsement – from Al Qaeda. Johnny Chimpo is still undecided and could not be reached for comment.
The World of the Framers: A Christian Nation?
Geoffrey Stone writes: Whether you fancy yourself an originalist or an interpretivist, a champion of a living Constitution or a dead hand, when you puzzle over the meaning of the Establishment Clause, the Free Exercise Clause, the Ninth Amendment, the Due Process Clause, or the Free Speech Clause, when you consider whether the Constitution allows the government to have faith-based initiatives, deny homosexuals the right to marry, prohibit obscenity, forbid abortions, the use of contraceptives, or stem-cell research, teach creationism, dip the flag to Jesus, or ban the word “fuck” in public, it helps to know the truth about the
Where are all the Cartoon Characters' Pants?
With a baby on the way, I’ve been re-connecting with all my childhood cartoon characters. My wife seems to have a particular love for Winnie the Pooh. So, I’m looking at all these delightful, whimsical characters and wondering… what gives with cartoon characters wearing shirts… but no pants? Not that I’m a big fan of wearing pants… but this is very confusing. HT to Lisa for inspiring this post and for providing this link to the Urban Dictionary’s definition of “Porky Pigging” after she read this entry.
Defense of Marriage Act Challenged on First Amendment Grounds
Free Thought Activist, Charles Merrill has filed papers with the U.S. Tax Court, defending his decision to refuse to pay federal taxes due to his objection to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Merril argues that DOMA violates the Establishment Clause. Merrill, a life member of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, claims: DOMA is in violation of the Establishment Clause under any of the three tests the Supreme Court has created: first, under the lemon test. DOMA was motivated by a religious purpose, and its effect has been to unconstitutionally establish religion. Next, under the endorsement test, DOMA’s purpose and
Ted Stevens Guilty
A jury found U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska guilty Monday of all seven counts in his federal corruption trial. The jury found Stevens guilty of “knowingly and willfully” scheming to conceal on Senate disclosure forms more than $250,000 in home renovations and other gifts from an Alaska-based oil industry contractor. Stevens faces a maximum sentence of up to to 35 years in prison — five years for each of the seven counts. (source) Ted, we’ll miss comedy fodder like your “series of tubes” rant, courtesy of your campaign donors. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cZC67wXUTs]
Pedobear Caused the Mortgage Crisis
McCain blames Obama. Moveon.org blames McCain. They are both wrong. So, lets either blame Pedobear or lets get it straight, there is plenty of blame to go around — and, to a large extent, the people losing their homes are to blame as well. See Who Caused the Economic Crisis? So, what’s the real answer? I boil it down to this — WE caused it. WE bought overpriced houses. WE didn’t punch our realtor in the mouth when she tried to up-sell us, WE didn’t break a stapler across our mortgage broker’s jaw when he tried to get us to