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Being beta is bad for you

By J. DeVoy

A recent conversation led me to contemplate how destructive being beta is – for the body, for the wallet and for the soul.  Regular readers should not be surprised by the proposition that the “dark triad” personality characteristics of narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy attract women.  Newcomers and naysayers should ponder why their women friends are always complaining about being ignored by the “assholes” they love.

Today begins the weekend.  For the typical beta, this means one dinner date – possibly two – that might conclude with awkward kissing on her front step and unreturned phone calls.  I’ll assume that each date will cost $80 in any real city, possibly up to $140 if he’s going to engage in the folly of trying to impress a girl with money – an idiotic proposition with anything less than a seven-figure trust fund or equivalent thereof, since having money above a fairly low point of sustenance has exponentially diminishing returns in the attraction market.

If he’s not on a date, the homo erectus beta is at the bar with his equally clueless friends, servilely buying drinks for girls they don’t even know.  Want to subtly insult a woman and make her feel kind of cheap?  Buy her a drink as a pretext to talking to her.  Worse, it’s demeaning to the buyer, and communicates that his time and attention is so unwanted that he needs to provide something – in this case, alcohol – to get someone to pay attention to him.  For our calculations, I’ll figure that this weekly misadventure costs $60.

On a cheap week, this routine costs $140, nearing $300 on more prosperous ones.  This is before factoring in other demeaning expenditures like flowers, jewelry and other gifts that arise over the course of a year or lengthier courtships.  It also ignores the probable costs of even reaching the “date” starting block, such as pointless memberships to dating sites like  Assuming the average month has four weeks, the average monthly baseline cost of being a beta is $560, and as high as $1200.

(In contrast, not flashing money may be better strategy to get you what you want.  If you don’t spend money on women, and ostensibly don’t have any, you won’t get shunted into the category of suitors with relationship potential.  Thus, she’ll be less likely to hold out for a commitment when offering affection, as you will not be mistaken for a provider to be relied upon as a checkbook.)

And what does all that money get?  If our example beta is an “average” man, it results in a lifetime total of 7 sexual partners.  All that for the low, low cost of thousands of dollars and endless rejection!

Time spent sitting down and eating dinners is also time not spent in the gym.  While betas wine and dine, waiting for the inevitable “let’s just be friends” ax to fall, they are not able to cultivate one of their most valuable assets – their respective bodies.  Pop quiz: If you want to attract the best women you can, is your time better spent enhancing your physical appearance, or spending 3 hours listening to one girl talk about which of her friends she doesn’t actually like?

Worst, though, is the self-deprivation of the beta.  Being beta means constant self-censorship and suppression of one’s true thoughts and urges – either consciously or due to social conditioning.  Saying “that sucks” becomes “I’m sorry.”  Monologues about her pet(s) inexcusably elicit any configuration of language other than “nobody could ever possibly care about this.”  Instead of doing what you want, from seeing a concert to playing Nintendo, you cater to what she wants to do, when she wants to do it.

I wouldn’t take issue with any of this if it worked, but it doesn’t.  The reward for self-denial and sacrifice is rejection.  Loneliness.  Nothing.

There is no good reason to be a beta.  Aside from being a losing position in the dating market, it adversely affects every other important element of the beta’s life.  It may not be easy to stop being a beta.  It’s not easy to run a mile in under 6 minutes, or to bench press 250 pounds, or to write comprehensibly, either.  Nobody disputes that these are worthwhile endeavors that pay valuable rewards with persistence.  Ending beta servitude is at least as worthwhile, and provides meaningful gains – financially, physically and spiritually – immediately.

A few caveats: techniques for long-term relationships are different.  You look callous, rather than desirable, by “forgetting” things like your anniversary or her birthday.  At that point, you’ve won her attraction and long ago bonded – giving gifts is acceptable, even recommended, provided you maintain her attraction through other means.  Also, it’s good to be a bit “beta” and occasionally pick up the tab on dinners for women who are actually your friends, free of romantic designs.  Never underestimate the value of a handful of good, reliable (and attractive, if possible) female friends.  Yes, this post has nothing to do with law, but neither does the “Holy Crap! Erin is Blowjob Girl!” post that dominates this blog’s Google referrals day after day.  Somehow, you’ll live.

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