Were you refused entry to a private business for not wearing a mask? Do you feel that this infringes on your constitutional rights? Email us to schedule a consultation. Please be advised that we do not give free consultations. Our consultations cost $1,000. During this consultation, we will give you up to one hour of advice on constitutional issues. While we do not give free legal advice, we can give you a preview of the consultation.
The consultation outline goes like this:
1. Introductions and explanations about our qualifications.
2. Addressing your specific concerns about your rights, masks, and private property.
3. Conclusion and pleasantries about what you learned, sharing of additional knowledge.
4. (optional) Mocking you for being an idiot who doesn’t want to listen to reason.
5. (optional) Arguing with you about whatever foolish source you think supports your position.
6. (optional) Mocking you more.
7. (optional) You get angry and explain to us that we do not know what we are talking about
8. (optional) We LOL at you.
9. (optional) You get even more angry and scream something about RICO and fringes on an American flag in a courtroom making it a maritime court.
10. (optional) We mock you some more and hang up.
Please email email@example.com
Optional plan: Wear a mask if the goddamned business owner asks you to.