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Randazza: What is at Stake in the French Election

by Marc Randazza

The PRIZE!

Well, something that is at stake. Whoever gets elected as French president will also become a co-prince, or co-princess, of Andorra.

Yes, the French revolution did away with the French monarchy. Nevertheless, the President of the Republic of France is also the co-sovereign of the tiny Pyrenees micro-nation. Andorra itself has been open for business since 803, ever since Charlemagne wanted to thank its residents for rolling with him against the Moops. The Moops were Muslims who occupied Spain, if you didn’t know that.

It got handed around like a 14 year old in adult prison, until in 1273, there was an agreement that it would be co-ruled by Spain and France. But, then in 1607, Henry IV of France said “I got a great idea, we’ll make the French head of state one co-prince, and the Bishop of Urgell (a town about 120 km inland from Barcelona) the co-princes!” Seemed legit. Then then in 1870 when France became a Republic, shit still stood as it was, and as it is today.

So what does this mean for the next French president? Well, up until 1993, he/she would have been paid “four hams, forty loaves of bread, and some wine. I have no idea why the fuck they stopped doing that. That would be fucking awesome, but only if you get good mustard with it. Just bread and ham can be a bit dull. My research revealed no mustard in any discussions of the history of Andorra though. I’ve never been there, and for all I know, they don’t even have mustard there. Although, it would be a pretty fucked up place if you couldn’t even get mustard, so I’m pretty sure that mustard is available in Andorra. Even if it isn’t, it is only about an 8 hour drive to Dijon, and well, fuckin mustard, amirite?

So, I’m pretty sure that no matter what happens in the French elections, it will not affect the supply nor flavor of mustard. You can probably take that one to the bank. It does sorta suck that there won’t be a handover of bread and ham though. You’d think the Andorrans would at least send over a charcuterie. They love that shit. Well, at least this page says so. I don’t fuckin know. I haven’t been there yet. When I do go, you bet your ass I’m going to find out what’s what with the ham.

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