In the wake of the Miley Cyrus “controversy,” California State Assemblyman Anthony Adams is whining like a temperance movement whore to revive his failed attempt to ban salvia divinorum, commonly known as “salvia.”
Adams needs to un-twist his gray and stained granny panties. First off, we don’t need another law banning another plant. Second, anyone who wants to ban salvia ought to try the shit. The best way to make sure that salvia use goes down is to have everyone take a toke of it.
Salvia is sold in headshops as a “legal alternative” to marijuana. I’ve tried it. It fucking sucks. Quite honestly, aside from huffing keyboard duster, I can’t think of a less enjoyable drug related experience. When you inhale this crap, it gives you about 5 seconds of a tingly sparkly tinsel-like high. It sort of feels like the sound of a big box of silverware being dropped on a stone floor. Then, the extremities in your face start to feel a bit of a pinch. Then, you feel like tinfoil took a shit in your mouth, in your eyes, and up your nose. That lasts for about 5 minutes. After that, you just feel like shit.
Seriously kids, go ahead and try salvia. I’m confident that you’ll think it sucks so badly that you won’t want to do it again. Anyone who winds up with a “salvia addiction,” if such a thing exists, probably deserves to have one. With no natural predators, we need something to thin the herd. If you enjoy salvia, and it keeps you from reproducing, the gene pool will become that much more clarified.
Now I agree that salvia is probably harmful to your health. I don’t think anyone should smoke it, and my endorsement of it above will (I presume) dissuade anyone who is curious from wasting their time or their money. But, when you consider that this is the garbage that people are smoking because of the ill-considered prohibition of marijuana, maybe it is time for the god of unintended consequences to begin mocking state legislatures. If marijuana did not come along with the baggage of potential arrest, denial of student benefits for a lifetime, and a criminal record, then nobody would bother to even think about salvia.
