Close this search box.

We have to defend family values! The Defense of Marriage Amendment

This just in from the ARE YOU FREAKIN’ SERIOUS? department:

With an election looming, you knew that a few neo-cons would trot out anti-gay measures. Homosexuals are the last minority that you can still pick on and possibly win an election. So, here it is, your bigotry du election cycle, a proposed Constitutional amendment.

`Section 1. This article may be cited as the `Marriage Protection Amendment’.

`Section 2. Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.’.

As we all know, that damn Constitution is just giving out rights willy-nilly. It is about time that we pass the first Constitutional Amendment since Prohibition (and the second in history) to take rights away from the citizenry.

Remember that this amendment comes from the party that cries “states’ rights!” Now that “states’ rights” seems to be trending toward equality (well, at least in non peckerwood states), a few Republicans just can’t seem to stand that little old concept of federalism.

Oh, wow, sponsors. That’s right… here is the list of the guys who want to turn the Constitution into a vehicle of bigotry.

  1. Sen Allard, Wayne [CO]
  2. Sen Brownback, Sam [KS]
  3. Sen Craig, Larry E. [ID]
  4. Sen Enzi, Michael B. [WY]
  5. Sen Inhofe, James M. [OK]
  6. Sen Roberts, Pat [KS]
  7. Sen Shelby, Richard C. [AL]
  8. Sen Thune, John [SD]
  9. Sen Vitter, David [LA]

See anything funny? Yes, the same Larry Craig who was looking for dick in an airport bathroom, and the same David Vitter who can’t keep his pecker out of prostitutes, are on the front lines defending “traditional family values.”

Don’t get me wrong, I think that both men should have the freedom to do both, but didn’t any of the other sponsors have the brains to ask them if they might be willing to, err… umm… sit this one out?

Okay, Sam Brownback is not exactly a brain trust. In fact, he’s so criminally stupid that every person related to him (or who ever has ever cast a vote for him) should be sterilized. But for real… this must be a prank. Seriously.

I can’t even give an ass hat award to these guys. They’d wind up walking around with it on their elbows.

Skip to content