If you spend much time south of the Mason-Dixon line, you’ll see lots of things that make you wonder why we fought a war to keep this part of the country (source). Two of those things are inbred judges who insist on putting Ten Commandments displays in front of courthouses, and morons who think that it is cool to hang a pair of “Truck Nutz” from the back of their pickup trucks.
For those of you who live in places where the average person can read, write, and use indoor plumbing, I assure you — I am not making this up. People actually do attach these things to their vehicles here. I suppose that they could achieve the same thing by simply wearing a T-Shirt that says “I have deep feelings of sexual inadequacy,” but in America, you get to express your thoughts pretty much any way you please.
In a free society, you can wear that T-Shirt, buy a Hummer, hang “Truck Nutz” from your car, put up a Confederate flag, or pick any other way you like to express the sentiment “I’m a moron and I’m proud of it.”
ALL YOUR
TRUCK BALLS
ARE BELONG TO US!
Florida State Senator, Carey Baker (pictured right), didn’t get the memo. Shocking… a Florida Republican never heard of the First Amendment! He wants to take one of those ways to express the “I’m inbred and proud” sentiment away from Floridians. Baker sponsored an amendment to a highway safety bill (SB 1992) that would provide for a $60 fine for display of the disturbingly popular truck balls.
Baker’s colleague, Jim King (R-Jacksonville) claims that he, himself, sported a pair of truck nutz from his vehicle until his wife put the kaibosh on them. (source).
The Miami Herald reported that King was against the measure:
The measure met with resistance from Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican, who called them “a statement of truckyness”. (source)
On the other hand, the Tampa Tribune made it seem like King supported the measure — or maybe he just supports morality-based legislation in general.
“I don’t think this is frivolous. It’s someone making a determination that they thought it was either obscene or vulgar or whatever, and therein lies the problem.” (source)
At least Steve Geller (D-Cooper City) gave us some hope that it is not strictly required that all Florida legislators be completely brain dead.
It’s shocking we would be telling people that have metallic testicles on the bottom of their bumpers, ‘Guess what? We’ve now determined it’s obscene.’ There’s gotta be better things for us to be debating,” said Senate Democratic Leader Steve Geller of Cooper City. (source)
So, if you need any more proof that Flori-duh is, indeed, the dumbest state in the nation, here it is. Not only do we hang fake balls from our vehicles, but our legislature spends time debating whether it should be outlawed.
Yeeeee hawwww!
