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The only reason that I never committed a terrorist act on a plane….

Is because I have no desire to. No interest whatsoever. You couldn’t pay me enough to do it, I have no political beliefs that would be advanced by it, and I sure as shit don’t believe in some magic super-douche who flies around in space waiting to give me 72 completely inexperienced women after I die. (Seriously… can you imagine how hellacious it would be to break in 72 virgins?). I wouldn’t even want to blow up a plane with nobody on it. Well, maybe if it was out on a gun range and I had the permission of the plane’s owner, yeah, okay, then it would be fun.

And you know what? As a result, I betcha I could sail through Israeli security lines without anyone breaking my beitzim. You see, the Israelis have security right. They do it with brains, intellect, and science. (source). The Israelis flip the fuck out if they get inconvenienced at the airport, because they value their liberty much more than Americans do.

“Israelis, unlike Canadians and Americans, don’t take s— from anybody. When the security agency in Israel (the ISA) started to tighten security and we had to wait in line for — not for hours — but 30 or 40 minutes, all hell broke loose here. We said, ‘We’re not going to do this. You’re going to find a way that will take care of security without touching the efficiency of the airport.”

That, in a nutshell is “Israelification” – a system that protects life and limb without annoying you to death.(source)

There are two very important things in that passage. First off, it shows that the Israelis have more intelligence than we do. It is fucking sad that when the foreign press talks about Americans, they don’t say “Americans don’t take shit from anyobody.” No, we are recognized as servile fucking pussies. Land of the free, home of the brave, my ass.

Lets look more at how the Israelis run Ben-Gurion airport:

“First, it’s fast — there’s almost no line. That’s because they’re not looking for liquids, they’re not looking at your shoes. They’re not looking for everything they look for in North America. They just look at you,” said Sela. “Even today with the heightened security in North America, they will check your items to death. But they will never look at you, at how you behave. They will never look into your eyes … and that’s how you figure out the bad guys from the good guys.”

That’s the process — six layers, four hard, two soft. The goal at Ben-Gurion is to move fliers from the parking lot to the airport lounge in a maximum of 25 minutes. (source)

Of course, it is not all gumdrops and unicorns in Israel.

Israeli Arabs, who make up about one-fifth of Israel’s population, are regularly subjected to a more intensive questioning that goes beyond the routine queries, such as “Where did you just arrive from?” and “Who packed your bags?” They also are subjected to body and bag searches more frequently than Jewish passengers.

Yes, that sorta sucks. It probably sucks even more for some poor guy who might be an Arab, who has the same attitude toward harming someone else on a plane as I do. But at least it makes sense.

The security here is far more professional,” said Sandy Kornhauser, who arrived with her daughter at Ben Gurion from Philadelphia on Wednesday to attend a wedding.

“I think they know who they are looking for,” she added. “In the States, they don’t know.”(source)

And that, my readers, is precisely what it comes down to — the Israeli airports are run by professionals, by smart people, not by the rejects and morons who run and work for the TSA.

“Do you know why Israelis are so calm? We have brutal terror attacks on our civilians and still, life in Israel is pretty good. The reason is that people trust their defence forces, their police, their response teams and the security agencies. They know they’re doing a good job. You can’t say the same thing about Americans and Canadians. They don’t trust anybody,” Sela said. “But they say, ‘So far, so good’. Then if something happens, all hell breaks loose and you’ve spent eight hours in an airport. Which is ridiculous. Not justifiable. (source)

Of course, getting rid of the TSA won’t solve everything. We’ll still be a bunch of servile cowards. But, maybe, just maybe, we can get scared enough that we can outsource our airport security to the Israelis — and then at least one piece of America’s security apparatus will be run by someone with a brain.

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