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Training Day

Faithful Readers:

I arrive at headquarters with two black shirts, two pairs of black pants, one pair of black boots, two pairs of black socks, one black jacket, an army surplus mattress, and three hundred dollars personal burial money.

My handle is Splifton and my resume is not impressive. I plan on contributing tangentially relevant popular culture articles to The Legal Satyricon.

My background on the interwebs consist mostly of lurking on message boards and less time posting well reasoned thought provoking blog articles. My punctuation, spelling, and grammar are best described as atrocious and I have been told I write at a fifth grade level. If you are looking for good writing you probably best avoid my posts. In spite of all of my shortcomings I bring many skills to the table…You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Mainly, I believe The Legal Satyricon could use a someone of my ilk to direct the readers attention to more obscure topics of conversation.

I very much value my internet privacy/anonymity mainly because I will probably piss off some methed out internet hacker and be the victim of some online personal vendetta. However, Splifton is the handle bestowed upon me in college by my friends, and J. Feldman is my given name.

My education includes twelve years of private catholic schooling, followed by a B.S. in Chemistry with Medical Physics and Mathematics minors from University of Denver. I worked for a Fortune 500 Bio-Tech Company before my three year vacation known as Barry University School of Law.

My life currently consist of providing court appointed representation for indigent defendants. This provides ample trial experience but often the cliental leaves something to be desired. (sidenote: Dealing with junkies and sex offenders regularly should be an automatic qualifier to post) There are very few things I care about it this world and most people would classify me as deeply cynical. You’ll learn that at times I take adverse positions in arguments simply to ascertain the competency of the other individual’s logic or reasoning. In short I am a huge dick, and in this world there are only three types of people pussies, dicks, and assholes…

As I understand it, I have to wait for three days before training can start… Therefor the next 72 hours I will answer any questions posed by the readers as honestly as humanly possible but after that time I reserve the right to be an absolute dick.


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