News & Media
The Westboro Baptist Church Lives to Protest Another Day
by Zac Papantoniou, Correspondent of that which is awesome and bad-ass Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government’s purposes are beneficient. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. – U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1928) Fred Phelps and his daughter, attorney Shirley Phelps-Roper, along with members of the church Phelps founded (the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas (WBC)), are well-known for their anti-gay protests at the funerals of American troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. I would venture to theorize that most
Why Morons Succeed in American Politics
In The Triumph of Ignorance: How Morons Succeed in U.S. Politics, George Monibot attempts to figure out what perplexes the rest of the world. How can a country with the strongest collective brain trust in the history of man be constantly led by such idiots? From Reagan to Bush, Quayle to Palin, being an idiot seems to be no impediment to political power. How was it allowed to happen? How did politics in the United States come to be dominated by people who make a virtue out of ignorance? Was it charity that has permitted mankind’s closest living relative to spend two terms as president? How did Sarah Palin, Dan Quayle and other such gibbering numbskulls get to where they
Farewell Josh
Very few of you know who Joshua Samuel Brown is. That’s okay. Lets just say that we are spiritual brothers. His decision to leave the United States, seemingly for good this time, brings me sadness. America is better off with people like him in it. Score one for Taiwan.
Right Wing Crybabies
Glen Greenwald writes about how the far-right has become the victim studies department: As [the Right has] ruled the country, it’s been driven into the ground on every level. The President they revered and endlessly glorified is the most unpopular in modern American history. They’ve ushered in disastrous wars, virtual economic panic, state-sanctioned torture and astonishing debt. Their leaders have been exposed as bloated, corrupted criminals and hypocrites. Their current candidate chose as his Vice President someone who can barely string together a complete sentence or opine on the simplest of matters, and himself acknowledges that he’s been joined at the hip with the failed Bush Presidency on virtually all key issues. But still — they’re about to lose not
A Picture Says a Thousand Words
Image by Zina Saunders Video Says a Million [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrzXLYA_e6E]
Redistributionist?
YOUNG WOMAN: Are we getting closer and closer to, like, socialism and stuff?. . . CANDIDATE: Here’s what I really believe: That when you reach a certain level of comfort, there’s nothing wrong with paying somewhat more. Quick… which candidate was that? Yes, that’s right… John McCain, before he sold his soul to Rove and Co. (source () The Republican argument of the moment seems to be that the difference between capitalism and socialism corresponds to the difference between a top marginal income-tax rate of 35 per cent and a top marginal income-tax rate of 39.6 per cent. The latter is what it would be under Obama’s proposal, what it was under President Clinton, and, for that matter, what it
Reason 245 Why I Love Sweden
From the Legal Satyricon Sports Desk: A hockey game between Stockholm’s AIK team and the visiting Leksand team was delayed several times because fans threw so many dildos onto the ice. Fans held up a huge sign that said “BEND OVER BITCH” and waved a six foot tall inflatable penis. Apparently this is not a frequent occurrence at Swedish hockey games. However, earlier this year, Leksand defender Jan Huokko’s cell phone was stolen and some explicit video of him and his girlfriend screwing was found by the thief and posted on teh internets. Prior to the game, the AIK booster club’s website instructed fans to bring dildos to unsettle Huokko. That isn’t why I love Sweden. This is why I
Palin on the First Amendment
As if you needed more evidence that this woman is terrifyingly stupid and unqualified to even be mayor of Wasilla, let alone Vice President (to say nothing for what happens if McCain dies in office — a 1 in 6 chance). Gov. Sarah Palin said she fears her First Amendment rights may be threatened by “attacks” from reporters who suggest she is engaging in a negative campaign against Barack Obama. Palin told WMAL-AM that her criticism of Obama’s associations, like those with 1960s radical Bill Ayers and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, should not be considered negative attacks. Rather, for reporters or columnists to suggest that it is going negative may constitute an attack that threatens a candidate’s free speech rights
Godless Americans! Boo!
By Marc “The Godless” Randazza In honor of Halloween, I’m going to write about something that obviously scares the living daylights out of a lot of Americans – ATHEISTS! Boo! Elizabeth Dole is a Sleaze – We Already Knew That Article VI, section 3 of the Constitution states: The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States. Elizabeth Dole, (R-NC) did not get the memo. She is
Lights Out for Sexual Predators This Halloween
By Sam “The Boogyeman” Lea It never occurred to me before reading this story, but Halloween has got to be like Christmas for sexual predators. Not to make light of a very serious situation, but I can completely imagine the old man on Family Guy using a fishing pole with a Snickers bar at the end to lure unsuspecting little children into his home. In an effort to curb this potential scenario, Gov. Matt Blunt of Missouri signed into law a statute requiring registered sex offenders to “refrain form all Halloween-related contact with children from 5 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. on Oct. 31.” It requires them to remain inside their homes with the outside lights off, and to post a
Copyright duration primer from a bloodsucking lawyer
By Tara “Bloodsucker” Warrington I am fucking terrified of vampires. Even as a grown woman, I still sleep with the covers drawn up around my neck. Of course, I have always been a bit of a masochist so I consumed all things vampire-related growing up: The Lost Boys, Anne Rice, Salem’s Lot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. (Please refrain from mentioning Nosferatu: just the thought of that particular incarnation of vampire is enough to give me nightmares.) Nothing compares to the original, however: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Originally published May 1897 in the United Kingdom, Bram Stoker’s Dracula spawned an entire industry of literary bloodsuckers. The novel was subsequently published in the United States in 1899. The copyright laws in existence
Capcom Wins Zombie Infringement Case
by Christopher “Undead” Harbin, Legal Satyricon Correspondent I’m only really scared of one thing in this world. Zombies. Really – they freak me out. I think it’s because my brother made me watch Return of the Living Dead when I was a kid. Couple the freaking flesh eaters with Linnea Quigley’s (B-movie scream queen) naked wet boobies in a graveyard and the scene was set for childhood scarring. Anyways, I digress. In 2006, Capcom created a zombie-themed video game “Dead Rising.” The main character in the Dead Rising was a photojournalist dropped into a zombie-infested mall in order to get the scoop on the recent zombie wave. After a play through, it was obvious the game was an homage to
Obama the Secret Anti-Semite? Or Goldfarb, the In-Your-Face Douchebag?
So now the game is “Obama is anti-Israel” and an anti-Semite First they trotted out Joe the Skinhead to try and pitch that line. He flopped at it, so they then trot out Michael Goldfarb, Deputy Communications Director of the McCain campaign. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCaOCWYpPk4] Don’t quit your day job, Goldfarb. Oh, wait, this is your day job. No wonder the McCain campaign is such a mess. Fucking Trig could do a better job than this douche. UPDATE: It looks like McCain’s ties to Khalidi are stronger than Obama’s. What now, biyotch?
The Fat Lady Sings – Texas Kittens Fear for their Lives
I previously wrote about the victory in Reliable Consultants v. Earle case in Texas Dildo Law Goes Limp, and the Lone Star State’s evangelical-led push to overturn the case en banc in Texas – Still Obsessed With Dildos. Naturally, I presumed that the State of Texas would appeal the case to the U.S. Supreme Court. I was wrong. The State of Texas announced yesterday that it will not be petitioning the United States Supreme Court for certiorari in Reliable Consultants, Inc. v. Earle. That landmark case struck down Texas’ “obscene devices law.” The State’s decision leaves the opinion of the Fifth Circuit, and with it the sexual privacy rights of its citizens, intact. Texans, you are now free to start
The Real McCain
Another brilliant post from Andrew Sullivan: As for McCain, we have seen how he deals with what were once his principles. Balancing the budget? He caved to Bush’s tax cuts and proposes to increase the deficit more than a liberal Democrat in his first term. Torture? He agreed to the 2006 Military Commissions Act, thereby legalizing the very torture techniques that were once used against him. Climate change? He picked a veep who doesn’t believe it’s man-made. When people talk about this man’s honor, they need to grapple with these facts. If McCain is prepared to authorize the torture of other human beings, to do to others what was once done to him in order to help Karl Rove’s 2006
Great Campaign Ad – "His Choice"
The only thing I would have changed about this ad: I would have used calliope circus music. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eUz13-pmTY] And you don’t need to be a lib’rul to be appalled at his choice. American Conservative.
One Issue Where McCain Beats Obama
Ok Republicans, I’ll do your stinking work for you. I’ve read lots of irrational reasons to vote for McCain. I’ve read rational and irrational arguments to vote against Obama. However, here at the Legal Satyricon, we are not values voters, we’re not pocketbook voters, we’re Constitution voters. (Any Satyriconistas who wish to dissent will likely do so in the comments). If you are looking for one issue on which McCain has the upper hand, (aside from bigoted fear-mongering), here it is. Disclaimer — if you’ve been a fan of George W. Bush, you have no right to use this in an argument. You can only use this if you are a real Conservative. Of course, then, you’re probably going to
Joe the Moron
Well, it looks like Joe the Plumber has finally jumped his own mental midget shark. Shep Smith is here on Fox throwing some pretty soft questions Joe’s way. Shep isn’t having any of Joe the Liar’s Palinography. (Speaking of Palin, look who has ethics problems AGAIN) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQYcVO5DhqQ] HT: Andrew Sullivan Update: Scott at Simple Justice has some great analysis of this.
The Bailout Comes to Main Street! Hooray!
Buy My Shitpile, Henry is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. In fact, I’m laughing so hard as I try to type this that I can hardly see. I shit you not, I just laughed so hard that I threw up. HT: Zucker
I am Hussein
If you don’t remember this scene from Office Space, you probably are pop-culture starved to the point that much on this blog confuses you. Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar. Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton. Samir: You know there is nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it…until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys. Samir: Hmm…well why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael? Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks. Barack Hussein Obama. You know you’ve
